I decided to play golf this year in an attempt to be more social. Knowing I needed lessons, I signed up for a series of them. The pro told me a proper swing would develop as I practiced. Eventually, I would build muscle memory, and my swing would have some consistency.

As it turns out, muscle memory has something to do with the behavior of seniors when it comes to dating.

I thought about this principle during a recent conversation with a 76-year-old woman who had reconnected online with a man she dated in high school. They were together in the early 1960’s, and she vividly remembers his passionate kisses and how his body felt pressed up against hers. “He was sexy,” she recalled. “He made me feel twitchy all over.” To her disappointment, he writes about pickle ball and his daily routines. Not too sexy. She sent him pictures of the art she created, hoping to get his attention redirected to her. He complimented her talent, but that was it. She considered ceasing communication.

“I want to feel how I used to feel,” she lamented. She craved what she remembered. She longed for the tingles in her body…the muscle memory. I suppose they practiced a lot.

I met Jack via Zotsky and thought he was the perfect guy for me. On our first date, we had lunch locally, and I couldn’t have been happier. He was close to my age, handsome, and we knew many of the same people. We shared a similar sense of humor and had like backgrounds. After a three-hour lunch, he offered to walk me to my car.

“Where is your car?” I asked him.

“Oh, I walked here,” he told me. “I live very close by. Do you want to come see my place?” he asked. I declined. I slipped my hand into the crook of his arm, and we walked to the parking lot where I left my vehicle. Before getting into the car, I turned toward him to thank him, and he gave me the sweetest, lightest kiss.

“No one has done that in a long time,” I said, smiling at him. “That was very nice.” I was smitten.

“Well then, how about this,” he exclaimed. Suddenly, his arms wrapped around me, his mouth pressed against mine, and his tongue was down my throat, almost knocking out my uvula. I backed away, surprised.

“What did you think of that?” he exclaimed, with the expression of a little leaguer who had just hit a home run. I looked back at him, baffled. I knew his wife had passed away two years ago, and they’d been married for thirty years. Maybe he’d behaved like this throughout his dating years. Perhaps muscle memory made him do that–thinking–well, it worked back then–why not now? However, we are talking about senior citizens–not hormonal teenagers. He was a horny senior. I saw Jack several times after that incident, but his groping and acrobatic tongue actions implied he was looking for something more. He made it clear he did not want marriage. He only wanted to date until he left for his winter home in Florida.

So often, I blamed online dating for its poor selection of available single men, but that isn’t completely true. It’s a matter of attitude and expectation. I recently met my girlfriend, Abbey, at a local eatery to grab a drink and a quick dinner. We got seats at the bar and enjoyed ourselves, talking to each other and anyone who wanted to speak to us. It’s nice going out with Abbey, as she is happily married. No agenda. No drama. Just a good friend who enjoys life.

A man sat at the bar a couple of seats away from Abbey. He started talking to us, and Abbey clarified that she was happily married and that she and I were just out for an evening together. However, she thought it would be fun to play wingman for me. The man, Brian, was 53. I was not interested. He told us (mostly Abbey) the story of his failed marriage–how his wife had ruined everything. Brian asked to exchange phone numbers. He admitted he didn’t have many friends and that he’d like to meet up with us sometime in the future. Abbey, being her sweet self, allowed him to type his number into her phone. She shared his contact information with me. I didn’t realize she never gave him her number. So, when I received his phone number from Abbey, I sent him the following text: “Hello Brian–it’s Mimi. It was nice talking to you.”

I didn’t expect him to contact me. He’d mainly talked to Abbey. But, the following day, while checking my phone, I saw that at 2 a.m., he’d sent a text letting me know that I didn’t need a “wingman” and that he thought I was gorgeous. He then added a second text advising that he had a strong sex drive. He must have been drunk. I copied both texts and sent them to Abbey.

“Why did you text him in the first place?” she asked.

“You sent me the number. I was being polite.”

“No,” she insisted. “I never gave him my number, you shouldn’t have contacted him. Block him!”

I guess I don’t know bar etiquette. But I’m learning. The truth is, I think Brian is suffering from muscle memory. He probably behaved this way when he met girls before his marriage. He is resorting to what he used to do. And how did that work out for him?

Muscle memory should be left to sporting activities. My golf game is improving day by day. As for dating, not so much. Seniors should think first and rely on something other than what was. It’s just not going to happen that way again.