Receiving and reading comments on a dating site would be great fodder for a psychotherapist. What are the respondents really saying?  Is there a hidden message or a suggestion?  I checked out the profile of a guy who sent me a smiley face. He had one candid shot on his page. It was a casual selfie. His meaty shoulders told me he was not tall and had a stocky frame. His face was wide and jowly, and his head seemed to blend into the collar of his golf-shirt leaving him without a neck.  The kicker was a long, fat cigar protruding from his mouth, tilted up toward his forehead that, in my mind, conveyed a secret message.  I didn’t want to go there. One has to wonder—what was the smiley face suggesting?

Senior Singles always sends an alert message to your email address when someone visits your profile or sends a message. They let you know someone is interested in your profile.  Of course, you get all excited thinking that maybe this is the one.  And then…the guy’s profile doesn’t include a photo. Nothing pisses me off more than a smiley face with a no-photo bio.  Is he such a celebrity that he can’t show his face? Perhaps he’s married or in a relationship and doesn’t want the other half to know he’s on the move?  There are streets named after people like this. “One Way. “ I believe in playing fair.  They saw my photo. I don’t think they would have sent me a smiley face had they not seen it. I have a standard response I use just for this purpose.  I sent one to Ira from Patterson, New Jersey:

Dear Ira. I am new to online dating and I have a question. It baffles me that someone without a photo included with their profile would contact me and expect a response. Please tell me–would you have tried to connect had I left out a photo from my profile? Actually, I know the answer. It’s no. I interpret your ability to communicate as totally one way. The absence of a photo indicates to me that you have something to hide. Therefore, please, keep your smiley faces to yourself. 

Trust me.  Not Ira, nor anyone else, ever writes back.

 Another profile question asks how far you’d be willing to travel to meet someone.  The minimum distance option is 50 miles. I clicked on that. Who wants to drive more than an hour for a coffee? That’s how most first dates begin, right?  I’ve got better things to do than drive for miles to go check out some senior who sent me—you guessed it—a smiley face. So why, may I ask, was I contacted by a guy (no photo) from Hawaii? Does anyone read anymore? And his profile name?  Quika.  In my book, he’s right up there with cigar man. Wouldn’t touch that one with a fork.

If a guy reaches out to me whose bio isn’t an exact match to mine, that doesn’t necessarily make it a deal breaker. For instance, I listed myself as being Jewish, but I wouldn’t say no to a date with someone who wasn’t. I don’t practice Judaism. It’s what I am culturally. I included it as a “heads up”. Jews have a certain way about them; a kind of humor that is distinct. A match would have to understand that. 

Yiddish has great words and expressions. Some of them, like schmuck and putz (not flattering words by any means) are common and used by Jews and non-Jews. But if a guy were complaining and I called him a kvetch, he’d need to understand. If he looked unkept and I called him a zhlub, it would be good if he got my meaning. Or, if I said he’s a schlep, I’d hope he knew it was not a compliment and the match was kaput. Things like that are important.

 I’m puzzled when I receive smiley faces from Senior-Single men who choose;  Yes, at some point or Maybe in the future when answering the do-you-want-children profile question. One guy named Jeff from Boston listed his age as 62, but his photo screamed 65+. Furthermore, he was retired. He was part of the “Maybe in the future” group.  Good luck with that, Jeff.  He’d better hurry up and find some fertile filly because there is some definite potential for disappointment up ahead. 

I figure these men are interested in having children for one of two reasons—either they are looking for much younger women and need to confirm their virility; or, they are legends in their own minds.  I’ve developed a standard response to address the baby question, and to Jeff:

Dear Jeff:  Can you explain to me why on your profile you state you would like children at some point?  I’ve often seen this, and at our age, it baffles me. Just asking. Not trying to be snarky.

Sexy Senior Jeff has not yet responded. And I’m not holding my breath. (And honestly, I was being snarky.)

But wait.  There’s more to come.  Actually, I’m just getting started.

© Miriam Greenberg, and the blog Love In The Time Of Corona, beginning April 2022 to the Present. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Miriam Greenberg and Love In The Time Of Corona with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.