No matter how educated someone is—Philip had an MBA as well as Masters Degrees in Mathematics and Finance—there is no way to learn common sense.  You either have it or you don’t. The longer I knew Philip, the more obvious it became that he was lacking in the fine art of keeping his mouth shut.

Philip was raised Catholic. My dating-site profile indicated I was Jewish.  I wanted to show Philip what an open-minded person I was, so I sent him a recent photo of myself and my friend’s daughter at the child’s First Communion.  I’d bought the girl her dress for the occasion—a white, fluffy, cotton-and-tulle frock that was adorable. I’m next to her in the photo wearing a favorite outfit–a bright pink-patterned peasant dress that stood out in contrast to the little girl in white.

Philip’s text upon receiving the photo?

         “Where did you find that dress? Looks like it’s from the Aerosmith collection!”

What did that even mean? So snarky. Whatever it was, it wasn’t a compliment. I ignored it. And I ignored every additional attempt at communication that came from him for nearly a week.   Finally, I took his call and told him he was an ass. He apologized, admitting his comment had been sophomoric—and we returned to the usual flirtatious banter.  Hell, it was more fun than being alone.

Not long after that first tiff, I asked Philip not to contact me one evening between 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. as my brother had asked me to listen in on a webinar and take some notes. I was flattered that he asked.

Fifteen minutes into the presentation, a text message appeared in the upper right corner of my laptop screen. It was from Philip.

         Are you naked?   

I ignored it.  

         Ping went the new-message signal and again the message appeared in the same place.

         I did that just to scare you…followed by a thumbs-up emoji.

No response.

         Ping—Shock you during boring webinar.

         I wouldn’t dignify these interruptions with a reply.

         Ping—Did I succeed?  

         Ping—No answer makes me nervous.

Finally, I sent a text back. 

         Stop!

         Ping—I wanted to shock you.

No reply.

If after all of my sophomoric humor, I have offended you, I don’t get it. I think you should expect sophomoric.

         It was dumb, I replied.

Will chill tonight and try to reconcile humor vs. dumb. In our virtual, socially distanced relationship, I think my humor was very misunderstood.

It baffled me to think that I was getting upset with someone I’d met only once at a supermarket. Was I overly sensitive, or did Philip lack respect and common sense?  Whatever the answer, I was tripping over the hurdles that popped up in front of me as I moved forward  in this virtual love affair. 

Decisions were in order.

📷 Graphics/Illustration: T.Lakgrafhix

© Miriam Greenberg, and the blog Love In The Time Of Corona, beginning April 2022 to the Present. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Miriam Greenberg and Love In The Time Of Corona with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.