Sometimes, my stupid gene surfaces and takes over. A great example of this fact was responding to Gerald. I should not have done that. In my defense, and it’s weak, he reached out to me first. I answered him because not replying seemed rude. In retrospect, I should have opted for rude.

His story (or profile) suggested he thought highly of himself. He wrote that he was “honest, trustworthy, and dependable, with a mountain of integrity.” That sounded to me more hopeful than arrogant, so I read on. His grammar and punctuation were spot-on–something I greatly appreciate. Another interesting point he made was that most people often describe themselves as enjoying outdoor activities like kayaking, skiing, hiking, etc. He pointed out that being cozy inside with a book, movie, or documentary also appealed to him. It seemed he covered all the bases.

The final paragraph of his profile included comments such as, “I believe that women are equal to men,” and things that made him appear to be the perfect gentleman. It was a shame he lived in New York, as that was beyond my dating radius. I was about to send him a positive response with regrets that we didn’t live closer because otherwise, I’d be very interested. But then, I read the final line of his profile.

“Oh, and if a spanking can do it for you, I’ll take care.”

Are you kidding me? Was this guy really 71 years old?

So, here is where my stupid gene took over. I just had to comment. I could have hit delete, but that wouldn’t do it for yours truly. I had to tell this guy that he had no chance with anyone as long as that “spanking” line remained in his profile. Who or what did he think he was? God’s gift to kinky women? A better question would be, who did I think I was? Ann Landers?

So, I wrote, “You’ve written a thorough profile. Impressive and honest. I found the spanking line put me off, but maybe some women might be intrigued by that. We live too far apart for a meeting. Thank you for your interest.

Subtle but direct.

It didn’t take long for Gerald to write back. (I was hoping he wouldn’t.)

“Thank you for the note. Maybe you were subconsciously intrigued because I wonder why you are interested in just that one negative. Because, if you are interested, I can teach you to have one or more explosive orgasms during an erotic spanking and then withhold them from you when you want them, such that when we are out to dinner, and I say, “You’re getting a spanking when we get home,” the next words from you will be ‘Check please.’ If you are uninterested, that’s okay too.”

O.M.G.

I was not interested. I squashed my stupid, experienced a stroke a genius, and hit delete.